So had a little pre thanksgiving lunch at souplantation with mom, aunty and cousin Lucy. Afterward we went to Fashion valley to just walk around. They went into victoria secret so I decided to venture off to the Apple store. On the way there, I saw him, the guy I used to have the hots for. Standing there in the corner, looking tall and gorgeous as ever, my heart just started racing. Granted it was 8-9 years ago, but I guess I just have a weakness for him. So he was waiting for his friend, we chated for a sec, he's doing commercial realestate now rather than the publishing and off on our way.

I play around in the Apple store for a bit and on the way out I ran into him again, nice. He's still waiting for his "friend" which he just now told me it's his bf of 4yrs. Trying to get a job, he said he's bf's pretty lazy, he's trying to get him to get a job. He also talked about how hard it was, there were cheating and break up and back again. He said he used to care about being just with him only and all that, but he said the older he gets(he's like a year older than me), the less he care about the sex, so he just let his bf do whatever as long as he's safe.

I was like, dude, fuck him, you shouldn't settle for guys like that, but of course, I can't say that, so I just passively nodded.

I dunno, I don't think I'll ever get a guy like him, not that he's the best but he's pretty darn good, tall, boyish handsome, goal oriented, successful, dirty blonde, bluish green eyes, not gay acting in any way at all, just like a regular guy. *sigh

I pretty much give up on that idea of finding someone like that, the whole nursing school thing, is that, if I can't get love, at least I have the money to fill some holes to some extend.

So, after last week of 2 tests crazyness to study for, I was pretty much burned out for this final's week.

Last week end I only did the take home test for OB and just didn't study for anything, too burned out, my brain is pretty much fried, I end the sunday with a hook up with an old friend, was pretty hot, the dude knows how to please a guy, a total giver which is just what I needed after a stressful week.

On monday I was planning to go to school for some ATI thing, but I guess the teacher forgot about it so I decided not to go, which leads to unproductive day, yet again, however I did ends spending most of the day online cruzing and ended the night with 2 hookup. 1 was one of my old hookup which ended good as usual, then after I got home, I got an email for some pinoy guy down in CV, which usually I prob wouldn't, but I guess it was fullmoon or something, I was feeling frisky (his email was very perseuasive), so I drove down to CV and had a session, which ended well too. Aferward he told me he has a bf, a pinoy also, meaning he doing this behind the bf's back...well, I'm not judging, he hit me up, I'm just in it for the fun. So it was an interesting monday, with the full moon and all, and I had 2 happy ending, so it's all gooooood.

So, tuesday, has 1 last OB class, which is annoying cause final is Thursday, and they are still shoving more info down our head.

Wednesday is an optional OB final review which I decided to go just because I know I prob won't feel that motivated to study with just less than 2 day left covering massive info. I got to look over all the old test and quiz that I took, I figured I will do good enough to pass.

I spend the evening doing some online practice test and that's all.

I have an 80% avg so far for Med Surg and I need to get about 61% on the final to get a final pass of 75%

I have an 86% avg in OB, and I only need about 56% on the final to get a 75% passing.


Thursday, final for OB is 8am, I took it, it felt easy, I found most answers to be BBBBBBBBBBBB which gets a bit scary. I did my guesstimation of the final, I say I got 79 question for sure, and the rest 21 that I'm not sure of which I say 50/50, down to 10, plus the 79, I figured I could score as high as 89% on the final. ( I got the result today, I got an 88 on the final and an 86.7% in the class.)

I finished 100 question in 1.5HR. Went home and did some more online practice questions for MS and waited till 3pm for the MS final.

I took the MS final, it felt just a tid-bit hard, but not too bad. I guesstimated that I got about 70 question for sure and the rest of 35 question that I wasn't sure of which is 50/50, down to 17, plus the 70, so I could get about 87 question right. (got the result today, I got a 74 on the final and pass the class with a 79% avg)


So, I have 86% in OB and 79% in MS, good times, I'm doing a lot better than last semester, since I found my way to do this, though I still think it's the long way but it works. I just have to read everything, even if I spend 3 days and read till monday 3am and get up at 7, be at school by 8 to take the test, it's the only way so far that I know to pass the test. Whatever is retained in my head after all that reading is just have to be enough.

They compressed this and next semester into 8 weeks each, put them together into 1 semester which is 16 week normally, so next semester starts monday and they already send out a reading list with a quiz on monday, good time.

I'm gonna try to enjoy this less then 3 day break or even lesser since I have to find time to study for the quiz on monday. Argggggggggggg

It's like of all the gays in the world, only the really old and hairy and 2000lb guy wants you (nothing wrong with that) except I'm 29, and I would like someone closer to my age for a change.

None, no one, not even for a quickie.

Days like this I'm so frustrated that I could turn straight, ALMOST.


-------------------

So last night, when out with a friend, who brought his new friend/possible interest, which turned out to be one of my old hook up, a middle-older professor at UCSD....good times, I knew things like that's gonna catch up with me, but the dude was a really nice guy, so no drama nor big revealing that I could be the next biggest hoe in Hillcrest (like that's gonna happen, I ain't pretty enough to sleep with that many guys)

Went to Flicks, so this gorgeous tall farmer boy (taller than me by 1 head), smooth, slightly buff and just yummy. Toward the end of night, one of his strap came undone so his left nipple was showing, as he walked by, I just play with it for a sec and he smiled, awwww, cute smile too.

Hours later, as he was leaving, I grabbed his arm and was wanna to get a pic with him, but he just kept on walking, not sure what's going on, he seem like he didn't notice someone grabbing his arm, maybe all that muscle layers dulls the sense of touch?!

That was a let down...but great night of eye candy.

One of my friend once told me that if you want something badly, you gotta visualize it....so I'm gonna visualize a tall, smooth, slightly buff white boy, within 5 yrs of my age, kind hearted, smart, intelligent, successful(yes, make great money), that I'm physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually attractive to 100% or close to, no issues, no emotional drama, no giant ego but still goal oriented, great in bed, perfect body(and body organ size for me =P, my friend did said you have to be specific), and will love me and be faithful to me forever and ever.

We'll see, I'm waiting for Santa to drop him in my lap one of these day.

Pretty tired, sored and stress, so I got some recreation last night.

Avg looking Lebanon, had fun, though afterward he started to chat a bit, pretty nice, and glass half-almost full type of guy, which aid in much of my thoughts. Very nice guy, does help me think twice about life and stuff. It's nice the know a stranger, Lebanonese out there is so convinced that I'll find happiness, love and joy down the road.

So it is possible due to stress and all the busy and tire stuff going on, my emotion has been pretty unstable, sorta.

I've notice more and more same aged Azn and Wht couple around town, which didn't used to bug me, but lately I get frustrated.

The asian didn't look all that cute, but yet they got the cute wht one, then again maybe I look even worse, and maybe I have issue, or maybe I have a dominate autosome amor repello gene.

Am I just gonna have good boom boom with the reg buddies that I'm not even romantically interested for good?! Or am I gonna become that guy who took me snow boarding just full of ego and bitterness?!

I dunno, I'm busy now, maybe when I have the money that will stablize my life first then I'll deal with all these emotional love craps. In the mean time I'll keep my jadedness on the down load with a chance of bitterness.

So, the last time I posted was around early July, so one day I look back on these, it's gonna be like over 3 months of my life missing, sorta.

Soo....a lot has happened since July.

I almost flunk out of school, partly my fault and partly teacher's fault.
I needed 75% avg to pass the class. At one point, my avg was 68%, I talked to the teacher, she was like, suggesting me to go down a level and look in to LVN program instead. That wasn't very encouraging at all...I was all sad and depressed thinking that I really have to go down a level....after all that money and hardship...I was all, emailing the program director wanted to talk about going down the level...then I was like, WTF, why am I like this, the class isn't over yet, I have 1 last test then the final, I still have a shot, a narrow shot but still a shot.

So I studied my ass off and then some, I got a 92 on the last test, which bring my avg up to exactly 75%....and I did my calculation, I need exactly 75 question correct on the final to pass the class at 75%....which, yet, do-able, and I did just that at 78 question correct.

So that was over, so happy, blah blah blah. Then the following semester(which is now) the school decided to compress 2 semester into 1. So basically the usual 16wk semester turns into 8wk and 8wk. Everything is compressed. I have 10hrs of class on mon and tue, then 12 hrs of clinical on wed and thurs which leaves fri, sat and sun to study plus doing projects and etc. The reading is about 150pgs per wk, 2 quiz and 1 test every week, at one point, this past week was 2 test for both mon and tues on top of that we had a project due on monday also.

I studied over the weekend and worked on the project, which I didn't go to bed till 4am monday and then up at 7am to get to school by 8am to take the test. At school for 10hrs then go home and study for the 2nd test till 3am then be up at 7am to get to school by 8am to take the test. Then we had lecture which I fall asleep in front of the teacher, teacher did a loud clap to wake me up which was FUN. Then after 10hr of school I finally gone home and tried to sleep, but I was sooooo tired to the point that I couldn't sleep...after an hour of tried, I finally fall asleep by 3pm...got up at 8pm, watch some tv, trying to relax and here we are.

Final week, I got 2 final next thursday, but before that we have a lecture on next tuesday which will cover 25% of the test, then wed is the final review, then the 2 final on thursday. I got about just little over 5 days to study for 2 finals that covers EVERYTHING.

That's most of the stuff going on the past 3 months...I might add a few if I remember something later.

......................As I walk through the grand hall and down the great foyer, only few livings go on about their business.

One great glass doorway after another, I hesitate to choose which to take as my exit to outside where the night air cools down my perspiring forehead and my fast heart beats.

I softly, but with strength, push open the jet black framed glass door and made my exit, as if freedom is on the other side, I took a deep breath, and begins my long walk toward the getaway car.

Night air cools my skin and comfort me some what, with only few street lamp lit the way, there are dark corners at every turn.

I walk in fast pace and tries to cool myself down at the same time, I pace through blocks after blocks, passing the two white towers, then the two black towers. A black taxi pull up next to me seeking my attention for his next pay at this ungodly hour, I waved back with rejection, the taxi then reluctantly drove away.

I took another deep breathe, gather my self, calm my heart beat and took a quick look back where the long pale road behind me lite with them dim yellow fluorescent street light where they parted those lurking dark corners one after another in uniform, the long way back where I came from.

I quickly get to the intersection as the light changes, I crossed the great boulevard. There where two foreigners, speaking in foreign tongue walks slowly behind me, they casually chat about as they cross the boulevard, and the dim yellow street lights dissipate as the rays land on their jet black skin.

I look a quick look toward the direction where the two foreigners originates. Down the great convention structures, there were people lining up by the glass doors, peering into the convention halls at this ungodly hour, as to what propose, it puzzles me...

I gather my thoughts once again, refocus my surrounding for I am close to my getaway car, so then I can safely disappear into the night.

Pacing through, few hobos sleeping by the grassy park, pacing through the long side walk of the pay-to-park parking lot...I see my car, silver but coated with the dim yellow street light, quietly sitting there along with bunch of others as if trying to blend in and stay unnoticed till my returns so we may make our getaway together.

I press the worn out black button which faithfully, once again, granted me access into my silver speedy shelter. I sit down, press the silver nob to arm the lock and was finally able to exhale all that tension since the grand hall foyers. No more looking back into the darkness and pacing through the dark street blocks.

All these excitements made me forget the heat and the lust that unfolded just an hour ago, as if another life time ago. As I sit in my car, where I calm myself, a scent of the unfamiliar soap invades my nares which bought about the memory of the previous lost hour. Running through the wrong tower, then down to the dark street, danger of the dark night didn't even cross my mind as I was on a mission...but once the mission was over, the fear sets in as I made my way back to the getaway car.

The good old silver speedster never fails me, we have been through countless missions, it always faithfully sits there quietly, blending in with the others while waiting for my returns. It felt my quicken heart beat every time I returns and safely brings me home.

I turn the key, and the silver speedster broke the silence of the dark cool night. Trying not to get any more attention from our getaway motion, we anonymously back up and head out into the small streets and blend into the traffics that which is just about as dead as where we came from.

The heat from my body was too much, I had to open the moon roof and my windows, however feeling insecure and unsafe, I only cracked about a quarter way down.

The calming melancholy music plays from my mp3 player through the car stereo put my mind at ease as I make my way home.

The feeling is lethargical and soothing, as I drove lazy like through one intersection after another. Passing by other young kids in their getaway car, making their way home. Passing by the hobos, the night walkers, and even street walkers. It never fails to surprises me just how many night creatures are out there besides me.

Home was not far, everything calms to another level as I pull into my space and make my way, silently into the building. Another mission, another night, and perhaps, another time.

Did I said Betty White kills me?!!! She was on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and she's so quick and sharp with her comments it's crazy. Jimmy Fallon offer her to play Bear Pong with him, very cool. She was so much fun and funnies, I f-king loveeeee her!!!

My fav show is back again. So You Think You Can Dance. However, I'm not too impressed with this season's dancers. Last 2 seasons were really good, this season just seem a bit short of outstanding talent plus hot look. There's prob 3 gringo that I dig, and one just got kicked tonight. He's pretty cute, however his hip-hop does seem a bit average compares to last season's Twitch, who was just off the chart. This season just seem a bit crappy, but we'll see, maybe after a while with some really cool routines, I might like some of the dancer better.

On another note, after a little over a month, I finally broke the streak of "no happy ending". Well, over a month, I'd say that's pretty good, I think I might stick with this for a while, see if I'd ever make it to 90day for once in my life.

School's still a bit stressful.

Well, it's about just over a month of my "none happy ending" mission. So I guess the point is to try to make it to 90 days. I did come close to break it, almost, but just a close call, we'll see how this goes for the next month.

I have moved from the 2nd floor to 4th floor now. Same lay out, we moved cause there have been water dripping ceiling, noisy 3rd floor people and mom afraid of people might climb up to the 2nd floor. The move was tough, especially the crazy big leather sofa which we had to manually move up through the stair way up 2 floors cause it won't fit in the elevator. Mom asked my cousin's husband to help, which really helps a lot, though he did almost got hurt moving the sofa with me, so that was a close call, it'd be bad if he got hurt, white boy, insurance, liability...crazy mess that'd be.

School is still kicking my ass, so much stress, my neck, shoulder and lower back is always sore after every tuesday. Seriously, I can only focus one week at a time, not even think about only a year to go, not sure I can make it or not, but sure as hell gonna keep trying, if I'm gonna go down eventually, I'ma go down swinging.

I got a new cell phone couple weeks ago, LG Viewty, fun, cute pretty phone with 5mp cam. I like it, however there's a few thing that I don't like, something with the alarm that doesn't go off as I like or the low battery warning sound is very low, which I can't hear and won't know it's dead till hours later. But still better than my BlackBerry Flip, that was a battery hog.

My laptop died couple weeks ago, less than 6 months old, I guess HP is crappy after all. Something wrong with the hard drive so I had to send it in, which lasted about a week or so. However with my crazy school, without a computer means death, so I asked around, and friend suggest to get a cheap mini laptop, which is less than $400. Do-able, even though still pricy, but what can I do. At least I'll have a temp laptop in less than 2 days of wait, instead of a week. So far so good.

About 2 weeks ago there was a small concert that I got wind from facebook. Out of the 3 guys, I recognized a name, Brian Greenburg, which was one of my favorite TV actor. I didn't know he sings too, so I decided to go, by myself yes. Mostly I'd say 80-90% there are girls. It was held at this tiny yoga studio near Bourbon Street. About $12 to get in, still worth it, him and the other 2 singers were really good, I had a good time there. Curtis People and Graham Colton is there other two. I even got all their autographed CD. Though only Brian Greenburg offered extra, by asking my name and autographed to me. =) He's pretty cute, I dig him.

Last week I over heard from news talking about Blink 182 is having concert later on this year in SD, as they were talking they also talked about few other band that are coming, which Panic At the Disco is one of them. Right away I jump on it and try to get a ticket. It wasn't cheap, but it'd be a first time I do something like this for myself. It a band I love that opens for No Doubt which I also love, so it'd be cool.

My neighbor informed me about the supercard for DS which I ordered few weeks ago finally arrived. Very cool, I can upload bunch games and play them. Though some of them have problem loading, however over all it's worth it cause I have multi-games to play without change game card, save space, money, etc. I call it, "Geek on the go".

Just now, while I'm writing this, I have the Taiwanese news channel on tv from cable. They were talking about this Taiwanese tattoo artist won first place at the international tattoo expo. They showed this full back tattoo of this guy which he did. Very cool, the naked tattooed dude was cute too. nice ass even with all that tattoo covered from all over his back to his thigh. Hotness!!!

Too funny, a friend posted this.





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Well, so the whole ordeal about my neighbor kind of clear up a bit. He responded my email on Sunday night and we hung out again today for another good 7hrs playing some old school Japanese Super Famicom games. Fun times.

It's just how he is, a friend was right, he has a life already before I showed up and he has been busy for a couple days. It was nice of him to make the offer to try to hang out once more before my school starts back up.

I guess I was right, tell the same friend who suggested that he has a life; that I'm just socially unequipped. I was wonder if it has to do with me, being by myself 90-95% of the time as a kid, played by myself since no one plays with me. Maybe that created some kind of a stoppage in the developmental phase of my childhood. Maybe that's why it's hard for me to meet and interact with new people. You'll rarely caught me starting a conversation with random strangers any where.

It turns out, it's just ME, the socially ackward child...

Also, I'm starting to see that how the stuff I post would create some unknown chain reaction else where. I think I'll watch what I post a bit more, since I'm not good at using words, and certainly, when you type it down could sound totally different when read out loud by others.


---------------------------------

We are just broken people looking for broken pieces in this broken world...

So, I have just recently gotten closer to one of my neighbor, 34, white dude, cute, very nice and sweeter than your usual str8 guys. At first everyone, including my mom think he's gay. My study buddy/hag also felt like he's giving me the googly eyes and encourages me to go knock on his door and see where it goes.

So, on Tuesday, after my finals, I went and knocked on his door. After much chatting, he revealed that he's also a hard core anime / old school video game geek, which, something that we totally clicked away with. He did asked if I am gay, which I said yes. He said he's straight, however, he had a hippie past, also he went to a school in Overland Ohio where they're known to have co-ed/omnisexual stuff going on. He said he was exp with the gay thing from 1989 to 2002, and it was fun playing with dick and stuff but he still like pussy a whole lot more. As far as relationship goes, he said he can't really see it with a guy.

Any way, we spend about 8 hours geeking out on the anime and game stuff. He's got tone of SNES, NES, etc collection. He's got me beat. Tones of anime, etc. 2 huge tv and 2 sectional couches.

Through out the whole day, he prob had 8 drinks and we hung till about 1am, while watching anime, he finally fall asleep. So I called it a night. He said he would totally do it again, hang out and geek out. And that was Tuesday.

Wed, I got up around 2ish, and went knocking around 3:38pm, knocked forever before he finally open his door, he was still asleep/recovering from the previous night and the drinking(since it was Cinco de mayo) So he said to check back in a couple hours. I went and run my errands and knocked again about 8pm. His girl roomate opened door, and he just got up. After giving me some info about DS expension slot thing, he said he's gonna kick me out cause he's gonna make some dinner for his roomate. We exchanged phone and email and he said he's gonna be busy for a day or two and would like to hang again.

I emailed him later late that night, reguarding the website address he gave me about the DS slot thing. Over two days now, no response.

I dunno, I hope I'm not coming on too strong. I did told him that I'm on break now, so I'd hit him up as much as I can before I go back to my busy crazy schedule. It just felt weird, it'd be cool if he would at least email back, acknowledge it...

It just sucks when you finally met someone that's alike on multi-level then just kinda drop off.

When we hang together, it felt like he didn't want the day to end, however when I'm not at his place, it seem like he's drop off the face of the earth. It's either hot or cold...I fucking hate that shit.

I did had a bit of the crush on him before, if that's what you are thinking, but after hanging out, I just felt like he's like a really good buddy type of thing, not really being obsessive or anything. I dunno...I'm just gonna ignore him for now. Prob won't hear from him till after I go back to school or just not even hearing from him at all. What ever, I guess in some way, I totally miss having a guy best friend like I had back in 1st/2nd grade...just good old male bounding, nothing sexual.

I'm sad... now....just a little bit. Any way, fuck it, if it happens, it happens, if not, good riddance, I have given up on expectation on humanity any way. It is what it is.

So with the short break I have now, all a sudden I have nothing much to do compares to previous endless pressures. I was bored, so I decided to catch the 12am show of STAR TREK...

It was really good, humor, action, and little quirks here and there that ref the original peeps. However, since I'm not hardcore fan, therefore I can't tell you if the quirks is true to the original. Never the less, the movie was really good, sorta makes me wish it becomes a series, with the film/camera technology we have today, the show would be awesome...then again, the hardcore fan would prob kill me for thinking about or even supporting such none sense...LOL


Now, the La Jolla AMC, is just full of college kids. Some yummy, some fugly, they are just living up their college life, going to the movie at 12am. I feel like I'm reliving the part of my college life that I missed the first time around. My college years wasn't all that crazy, no college buddies gone party or crazy with. I miss that in some way. Then again, I feel like I'm getting too old to do all that crazy shits. Oh well, just living the day up when and where ever I can.

Your results:
You are Dr. Jack Shephard

Dr. Jack Shephard 80% Michael Dawson 72% Claire Littleton 68% Sun Kwon 65% John Locke 55% Shannon Rutherford 52% Hugo "Hurley" Reyes 50% Sayid Jarrah 50% Boone Carlyle 50% Walt Lloyd 48% Kate Austen 45% Ana-Lucia Cortez 44% Mr. Eko 40% Jin-Soo Kwon 40% Charlie Pace 36% James "Sawyer" Ford 35%

You try to help people and do what is upright. You are very vigorous and people look to you for guidance.

Click here to take the Lost Personality Test

I've been so busy that I didn't even hear about Bea Arthur's passing on the 25th.

I love watching Golden Girls as kid (even though it was in Chinese, it was still very funny)

Here's to our beloved Dorothy Zbornak, you've brought so many people joy and laughter, we will miss you.

So, this past weekend, I was supposed to be studying with girl study buddy for our 2 finals that's coming up on Tuesday(tomorrow, yes) However, I was chit-chating with a friend of mine, who is very in tuned, spiritually, and ends up had him tag along with me to see my study buddy.

Day drags on, a lots of conversations. Toward the evening, he was reading my friend, talk about her issues, past truma, family drama, etc. Which, I guess help with some personal closure for her and with herself.

Her cousin was there too, which my friend also read her, and gave her closure too, with her personal life problem, problem with taking care of her combative Alzheimer mother, dad, love life, etc.

Then we left about 11pm, finally gone have dinner at Denny's. More conversations, then I revealed about my "advantures" (see couple previous posting) Which he said he did pick that energy up during the time he visited me at my place. His suggestion to me was to cease the "activies" for a while, rechannel/focus my energy and something better will come along in my life.

Hum...so celibate, basically, however, me time is still ok, so I guess I should be able to do it.

We'll see, I've already "muted" my advanture accounts, so I'll have to see if I can do some "soul searching" during all these time. He said he did it for 90 days, well, I think I'm gonna aim for 1-2 weeks first, if I'm still doing good, then I'll go for the month, then maybe 2 and slowly work my way to 3 months, I gotta take this one day at a time, or else it'd be too hard to think about 3 months of mutiny with what I was doing previously.

So, my Koi was looking a bit sick, the scale has a few bloody outlines, so I decided to change the water and the filter. This Koi is sooooo dirty, it prob dirty up the water in less than a week of all it's 3" in a 20gal tank.

Last week I bought some air bubble decorative from PetSmart. A mermaid with bubble hole and a large clam with fake pearls with bubble hole that makes the top half open and closes.

I use an Aphrodite statue to prop the clam top open so it'd be a nice little resting/hiding area for the Koi. The bubble hole is right where the fake pearls are. And the Koi does like to hide/rest in it, it looks kind of cute.

Today, after the water change and all that, I noticed, that it tend to hover over the bubble holes and let the stream of bubbles hitting it at and near the anus area...

VERY INTERESTING!!!

It looks relax, just chilling and flowing there where the bubbles kept hitting it right at the spot...

LOL. I'll try to snag a pic next time.

So...the first time around, I needed to borrow money to cover my living expense while I'm in the school and all, so I asked my uncle to co-sign for the 16k loan, it was amazing that he did it.

Now after the 2 semaster, the financial aid informed me that I'll need another 17k to cover the rest of the tuition for the rest of the progrem....MUTTTTHER FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKERRRRRRRR!!!!!

Stupid school, should have told me the total in the begining so I could have just add it to the first co-sign back then.

As if it is sooooo easy to find any one that makes a lot of money to co-sign for loans. So I tried to ask my uncle to co-sign again, no suprised to me that he said no.

The thing with Asian or mainly Chinese is that, when it comes to borrow money, it's a taboo thing to do. If you caught them in a generous mood, you might get it and IT'S AN ONE SHOT DEAL.

Another things is that, we(mom and I) suspect that crazy bitchy aunty has been bad mouthing to my uncle about us, so that prob add to the "no" choice effects.

So...it's a no go from uncle....there's really no one that I know that makes a lot of money that would co-sign for me to borrow another 17k... I dunno, I'll have to figure something out, the last choice is to drop out if I can't find way to pay for it...

At this point, I don't even think that pimping myself out would even help and besides, I don't think I can get much after my additional 20+lb from nursing school.

Such a fucked up world...you can't depend on anyone but yourself, not even your family.

Well, not so much of dark side, but more of the sexual advanturous side.

Pretty much most of the gay guys have done the hook up things. And certainly a large number of them explored the adult theatre, bath house, park, ally, etc.

Aside from protecting one self from the possible STD lingers around such areas, I've, somewhat, limit myself from doing certain things and be choosey with who I do what with.

After much stress from school and life lately(months actually) I've finally break down and needed a total distraction and excitements. After talking to a friend, which suggested trying out the adult book store or the bath house, I've worked up the courage, to venture out into the darkness.

Friday nite, after much rejection and frustration, came 2am, after friend suggested the 2 places, I've decided to give it a shot. First stop was the adult depot...$7, crappy scene, nothing but str8 old man(there's a big diff btw old gay man and old str8 man, old gay man usually have a better up keep with either their body or presentation or both, str8 old man are just a mess, like a bad man made fabric that you don't even want it any where near you) so I jetted out of there after 2 min of searching for a potential target(none).

Frustrated still, so next, I work up the courage and venture down the bath house, the first time, by myself. $22, scene is much better, there were couple hot guys, even though the place is just as dirty as the book store theatre, but there are cleaner area to be at that you can choose from the whole bath house. After long searching for potential target(and I am, pretty choosey, someone that would play safe and not pushy) took a while, but did came across one guy in a room, had a nice long play, however, some how he started talking about Economy...and wouldn't shut up about it...Eventually, it was time for him to go home, so we ended as that, no happy ending. But he was a nice guy, so it wasn't too bad.

On to more searching, through out the whole time, much actions were going on in the steam room or the video room, none really intrigue my interest. Then I saw this guy, a guy that I used to give professional massage to(meaning real full bod massage without the happy ending or hanky panky) he was one of my best client whom asked me back many times to do his massage for him. Very nice middle guy, great body, slim type of body builder, pretty ripped, nice big uncut one. He said he's here with his hot little tight bod viet boyfriend, that they love coming here and they do come here a lot.

After little chat, the viet bf showed up, we were introduced, however previously, I heard my friend/ex-client talked about how his bf gets jealous a lot and very easily, so after the little chat with them, I decided to leave them alone.

As I was going to walk out their room, they offered me to stay, with a minor hint of, stay and play. They were a pretty hot couple, the viet guy, even though short, had a really nice body, so I stayed and played.

It was a lot of fun, the viet guy was fucking my friend in all sort of interesting and hot positions, and I help enhance the fuck that was going on with my special techniques. Which they said, makes it even hotter. After long hours of play, I was worried that it was getting close to 7am and I promised my cousin that I'll give her a ride in the morning to her Driver's Ed class. So I had to end it, yet again, without happy ending.

I was fine with it, I had a great time with them. And beside, I didn't really want to join the two of them, engaging in bare back sex, no matter how hot it was, so the playing around was good enough for me.

Over the weekend, things were slow...however, someone online informed me of this place, kind of like a private sex club that is open to gay, str8, man, woman, trans, drags.....etc....list goes on. And was looking for someone to go with. I was intrigued, as I have heard of my classmate, 8 years ago, talked about places like this, I certainly would like to check it out at least once just to exp it.

Monday night, 8-2am...out there in the 94, not sure if it was Golden Hill or something area, middle of industrial place was a big big house with 20 rooms and pool and large yard to play. I didn't feel comfortable going by myself, so I asked a friend to go with me. The place turns out to be a great fun, you can play pool and then you have guys doing bj here and there. Girl strip dancer doing their things...str8, gay, whatever, everything is a go. But they do promo safe sex and have provided condom to use. They have drag queens, cross dresser, everything. It was fun, people were nice, no means no, so the str8 guys can do their things without getting pissed off.

There were 2 young hot guys. One has short blond hair, stroking away, but he's str8, so whenever other guys get close to him, he moves away. He was really hot, totally has that A&F look, but just not that tall. He was fucking this older lady(bit over weight and slight sagging tits) like there's no tomorrow, he keep going on and on, it was crazy, and after all there, he still didn't cum. Even till the end of the night, I don't think he ever cum at all. The kid had a lot of stamina for sure. The other hot young guy has long brunette hair, was also into girls, but also into cross dress/trannys. We saw him gone into a room with a cross dresser asian.

There were sex almost every where, but also people chatting, playing pool, talking to naked bar tenders(2 out of 3 was very cute). Hot girl pole dancer(yes, they even have a pole in the middle of the dance floor) Pretty crazy, since they did the masturbation show, golden shower show, etc.

I pretty much just watched all night, there's always something going on in different rooms. Certainly filled my voyeuristic side. It was an interesting experience.